About a year(ish) after giving birth to each of my three children, I’ve always had to ask myself this: Who am I?

I get lost. Maybe it’s because of the lack of sleep? Or, maybe it’s just the chaos that comes with, you know, creating another life and figuring out the best way to parent this new person while coexisting with the rest of the family and balancing the life that was already going on.

So, here I am. Asking myself – who am I? What am I doing?? Short term – I’m catching up on my The Soup clips on Hulu (love Joel McHale ;) ). Long term – … (well that is the question…)

Sometimes I compare myself to a chameleon.

I do this: I find something to follow, read up on, club/activity to fit in to and can totally and absolutely morph myself into that activity, lifestyle, fashion or whatever it is. Most of the time, I do this unconsciously.

Example 1: When deciding on a high chair for Zoie – I had this vision of a simple red high chair. I found it at IKEA. It was perfect – the exact vision I had in my head. My price range, sturdy, small, easy to clean – perfect! We purchased and THEN I realized it was the exact same high chair I had seen on my favorite blog C. Jane, Enjoy It.

Example 2: Yesterday, Christopher and I saw a movie, Our Idiot Brother. It was a good movie and I seemed to really identify with the characters.  Suddenly I can’t seem to get it out of my head that I need bangs, a haircut and to be more honest to improve my interpersonal relationships.

Is this what normal people do?

Does this make me a sucker?

Or, am I just avoiding finding out who I really am just to make myself more like the people I admire or identify with?

I get frustrated. My Mom always said, “Be a leader and not a follower.”

I’m following and not leading. :(

I see traits in other people that I would like to have and would like to make my own. Does this make me unoriginal?

Anyways…. I’m just contemplating.  :)

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